Violent delights: when is it too much too fast?

We all know that love can’t be rushed: yet, the human species is dangerously prone to fiery romance. Summer makes the phenomenon even more dangerous – the lazy days of grassy knolls, outdoor activities, and new friends make it hard to escape the hazy months without at least one turbulent fling. Sitting in English class when I was at school, we had to memorise Friar Lawrence’s cautious words to young Romeo: “These violent delights have violent ends / And in their triumph die, like fire and powder.” At the time, the good Friar seemed more than a little condescending. But Shakespeare knew what he was talking about. Love, like friendship, doesn’t fare well when it is rushed. Here are a few good reasons why to take it slow:

You need to be friends

It’s easy to feel like you are friends when you are spending every day with each other and feel connected on a whole new planetary level. But do you know what he was like in school? Who are his real best friends? What was important to him in the last election? How does he react to a disagreement?

You need to share experiences

When you are spending every day with each other, you will cut out new experiences, new people, and friends. That’s fine at first, but it does mean that you will eventually run out of things to share and find that you have nothing more to say. You need new experiences to rejuvenate your relationship.

You need to trust each other

People naturally distrust things that come too easily and too quickly. With quick love comes doubt that feelings are real or can be relied on. Jealousy will occur – after all, if she falls in love that easily, could she not fall out of love just as easily?

Romance is at its best when there is passion tempered by reason. Talk to each other about what is important to you and what you want out of this relationship. Take time to do other things. Be honest about your doubts and fears. Trust that anything good needs time.

But most of all? Enjoy yourself. These are the times you will remember.

Eva Gabriel


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