By Jamie Trezise
Let’s take a trip back in time.
The year is 2011, and a fresh-faced, innocent Jamie was falling for a girl, who we’ll call Susan (mainly because it’s a great word to say. Suuuussaaan).
One night, Susan’s friend, who we’ll call Shelia (because Susan and Shelia sound like the stars of a sitcom based in a care home) gave me a call.
She had somehow found out that I liked Susan, and she was giving me some great advice, telling me to do something creative to win her affection. So, the plan was hatched…
The next day. Lunchtime. The school field.
I approached Susan and Shelia’s group of friends, got my guitar out and began to sing.
I was hoping she’d be impressed as I crooned the unnaturally high-pitched but powerful love ballad ‘You’re Beautiful’ by the one and only James Blunt.
The majority of the school field gathered round me to witness the atrocity. As soon as it was all over, poor Susan ran off crying.
It was clear, the plan had failed. To this day, this story gets brought up when I go to the pub. I’m not 100% sure I’m ever going to live it down…
Sadly, this is not my only dating mishap. Sadly, I’ve experienced enough to easily fill a decent-sized self-help book.
So, what have I learnt?
First, I think it’s clear that serenading someone in public probably isn’t the best idea when it comes to trying to declare your romantic intentions. It is pretty intense, and in my case it did a great job of scaring off Susan.
Secondly, buying someone loads of presents may also seem like a good idea – showing them how much you like them and how generous you are. But from experience I can tell you, it looks like you are trying to buy their affection and, again, can come off a bit creepy if you don’t know them very well.
And finally being horrible to the one you admire is not the best idea. In films we often see two people that originally hate each other, suddenly fall into each other’s arms, mid-explosive fight, thanks to all that sexual chemistry. But IRL it just doesn’t seem to work like that. I once called the girl I fancied a swear word (used to describe female dogs) and all I got was a detention.