My wife and I have just moved into a new house. Our housewarming was one of the highlights of my year. Looking around at my friends, it made me happy to be in this new phase of life. Ten years ago we were all out partying, but now we’re married with kids, partying at the house. Our friendships look different too. We have connection that’s built over time. We still make each other laugh and there’s still plenty of comedy. But we can also be honest, be vulnerable with each other, and give counsel and advice. We trust each other. And that’s great connection. Personally, I find it hard to be good friends with people I can’t have deep connection with. I can’t be bothered! Deep connection is where it all happens.
Going after deep connection as a couple
If you’re in a couple, you want to be with a person who is your friend, who you can talk to about a variety of things and have a laugh with. Physical attraction isn’t enough (although that’s got to be there too). The question is are you both willing to pursue deep connection. If you are, this is a great foundation.
Deep connection is something you work at. It means being intentional. Do the date nights, reflect on your relationship together, don’t be afraid to talk about stuff. It’s not always easy, even if you have great family support and a good foundation. As a dad, the best thing I can do for my child is to love the parent of my child.
Going after deep connection in family life
Life is busy. When you have jobs, a house, and children to think about, your thoughts are often just on getting through the day. Life becomes a wheel that doesn’t stop turning, and frankly, you’re knackered at weekends. I get it. Finding time together can be difficult. It’s important to understand the impact of family life. It takes up time and it can be stressful.
Part of maintaining deep connection in family life is staying connected to yourself. Who are you beyond being a partner, husband or dad? When my wife met me, she liked that I was outgoing, confident and funny – and I need to make sure I’m still myself. Even when life changes, it’s important not to lose ourselves in the change.
Deep connection is a choice. It takes effort to stay connected to your friends, partner and even to yourself. But it’s worth it.