People in the UK always think that North Americans are looking for Orlando Bloom when they come over. Not true: some of us are looking for Nicholas Hoult or Benedict Cumberbatch. There’s a range of things we want from a British man, and none of them involve football. The first time I ever travelled to England, I stopped off at a pub in Leeds while a football match was on the telly. I was fully jet-lagged, and a few moments after arriving, an obscenely hammered guy my age was on his knees in front of me proposing marriage. (From what I could gather, a goal had been scored and this made him romantic).
Surprisingly, I didn’t take this as a sign to stay stateside, and I still moved over to England. After seeing the limitations of football, and all those who love it, I decided to take a stand. No more football. This led me to a dark place. There is a whole subset of British men to choose from that don’t like football, who like fencing and Epicurus. They also tend to know a smattering of Latin. In case you haven’t guessed it already, they also went to boarding school and have mummy issues – that translate into relationship issues – which lead to an awkward moment in the bedroom where he asks you why your relationship doesn’t feel like a rom com, complete with an upbeat soundtrack.
Suffice it to say I’ve dated a spectrum of men, so here is my advice on dating the British man (both North and South):
- He still believes that his country is an empire, even if he says he doesn’t.
- Physical contact will never be as natural to him as it is to you.
- He will take the piss out of you and insist it is affectionate.
- Whatever part of England he is from will always have an unavoidable effect on his character, so choose wisely.
- He will never be the camping and fire starting Paul Bunyan type you used to date.
- He will make a bloody good cup of tea, especially if he’s from Yorkshire.
- He will actually care about people’s accents. You will learn to tune it out.
- Your accent will never be as charming to him as his is to you.
- He’s probably watching the match right now and ignoring you.
But really, does any of that surprise you? I mean, you moved over for Hugh Laurie AFTER watching all 8 seasons of ‘House.’ Take the tea and enjoy the accent.