What American girls want (and definitely don’t) in an English guy

People in the UK always think that North Americans are looking for Orlando Bloom when they come over. Not true: some of us are looking for Nicholas Hoult or Benedict Cumberbatch. There’s a range of things we want from a British man, and none of them involve football. The first time I ever travelled to England, I stopped off at a pub in Leeds while a football match was on the telly. I was fully jet-lagged, and a few moments after arriving, an obscenely hammered guy my age was on his knees in front of me proposing marriage. (From what I could gather, a goal had been scored and this made him romantic).

Surprisingly, I didn’t take this as a sign to stay stateside, and I still moved over to England. After seeing the limitations of football, and all those who love it, I decided to take a stand. No more football. This led me to a dark place. There is a whole subset of British men to choose from that don’t like football, who like fencing and Epicurus. They also tend to know a smattering of Latin. In case you haven’t guessed it already, they also went to boarding school and have mummy issues – that translate into relationship issues – which lead to an awkward moment in the bedroom where he asks you why your relationship doesn’t feel like a rom com, complete with an upbeat soundtrack.

Suffice it to say I’ve dated a spectrum of men, so here is my advice on dating the British man (both North and South):

  • He still believes that his country is an empire, even if he says he doesn’t.
  • Physical contact will never be as natural to him as it is to you.
  • He will take the piss out of you and insist it is affectionate.
  • Whatever part of England he is from will always have an unavoidable effect on his character, so choose wisely.
  • He will never be the camping and fire starting Paul Bunyan type you used to date.
  • He will make a bloody good cup of tea, especially if he’s from Yorkshire.
  • He will actually care about people’s accents. You will learn to tune it out.
  • Your accent will never be as charming to him as his is to you.
  • He’s probably watching the match right now and ignoring you.

But really, does any of that surprise you? I mean, you moved over for Hugh Laurie AFTER watching all 8 seasons of ‘House.’ Take the tea and enjoy the accent.

Eva Gabriel

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2 Responses

  • Most of this is sweet but argh at people (I’m sorry, from what I’ve experienced people from the US are the worst for it) using “British” as a synonym for “English”! 😅 Britain is Scotland, England, and Wales (Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom but not Great Britain). You saying “whatever part of England he’s from” shows you’re exclusively talking about English men. So say English if you mean English. Loving tea is a British thing, though. You’re right there 😉

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