Moving to a new city for your partner – to go or not to go?

Moving to a new city for your partner – to go or not to go?

The question is – will moving to a new city for your partner be something you regret doing, or one you’ll regret NOT doing? Here are some good questions to ask yourself before you decide.

Who are you moving for?

My friend Sam had to do a placement a couple of years ago. She started applying in early February to places in Europe. I was surprised when two months later she accepted a position in Washington. What happened? A guy she had a crush on had applied there. “It’s not that at all,” she protested when I asked. But I knew the deciding factor had been the guy. I didn’t particularly like him, so it was easy to judge her decision.

So the first question is, who are you moving for? Is it a crush, or a person you’ve built something with? Is it a short-term or long term move? Moving cities has lots of personal implications, and these need to be weighed up against the strength of the relationship.

Is it the right time?

I started to talk to other friends about the idea of moving somewhere for a person. My friend Katie reminded me that her boyfriend moved to be with her in Vienna. My friend Steph admitted that she limits her job prospects to where her boyfriend lives, too.

And then I realised they may have a point. I’d been in a long distance relationship, studying in a different city from my boyfriend – and when it finally came time to apply for jobs, I tried not to be influenced by him. I applied for jobs in Paris, Amsterdam and Manchester, but when an opportunity presented itself in his city I couldn’t help but feel relief. Knowing that I’d get to share the thrill of a new job with my boyfriend felt right.

So, our second question to ask yourself – is it the right time? While I was at university, it wouldn’t have been a good idea to move cities to be close to my boyfriend. But now, the timing is right. If like me, you find it easy to say that partners shouldn’t be a deciding factor in where you live, consider who you’re moving for and if it’s the right time. Sometimes your heart actually does know best!

Dimana Markova

 

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