By Dan Callan
While having someone who is jealous for you can be satisfying in a strange way, it can also be very problematic.
Jealousy, if not dealt with, can destroy a relationship. Healthy relationships do not have ongoing jealousy within them – it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible.
This does not mean that it is always wrong to feel jealous.
Understandably, if you believe that someone in your partner’s life is getting more attention than you, or affection that should be reserved for you, you’re going to experience feelings of jealousy.
As with many relationship issues, it’s how you react and deal with a problem that is the most important thing. And as is always the case, there is two sides to the story.
Therefore, I’m going to break down the issue from the point of view of both sides, as it is a problem for both sides to face up to.
First up, this article is about when you are jealous of someone in your partner’s life…
It is important that if you experience these feelings, you try to understand the situation from your partner’s perspective.
Think about the person in question, have they made it clear in the past that they are just friends? Sometimes, it just takes time to understand that this other person is in fact a very special best friend to your partner and whilst they have a close relationship, it doesn’t in anyway threaten your position as their partner.
However, have there been any instances to suggest otherwise? Do you feel like that other person is overstepping certain boundaries? If the answer to any of these questions is either ambiguous or negative, then it’s important that you speak to your partner first.
While you don’t want to restrict the freedom of your partner concerning who they spend their time with, it is also important that you feel honoured in the relationship, that your partner cares enough about you do keep certain interactions for you.
However, these feelings cannot be left to boil up inside you over time. There will eventually come a time where you cannot keep them in any longer. And you could end up making the situation worse by exploding over something that may not have been an issue if you’d just spoken about it earlier. So have the conversation early on!
It is important how you approach this – it should be respectful and open, rather than confronting and critical. Just simply point out how you see it from your perspective and see if they can understand why you would be feeling that way.
Making an effort to be respectful when having this conversation has a huge impact on the outcome of it. It is then up to them. They have a responsibility to respect your feelings and opinion and to either explain themselves to give you a better understanding, or to act on what you’ve said and to put things in place to make sure that there is no confusion in the future.
To answer the title question simply: No, it’s not wrong to experience feelings of jealousy over someone in your partner’s life.
But it is wrong to keep having these feelings. They will stifle the growth of the relationship and be a constant weight on your shoulders if you don’t deal with them quickly. It takes both people to sort it out though, and you both must be willing to have the awkward conversation.