How to have a “first time” you won’t regret

Different people have different expectations for the first time they have sex. It’s normal to have all kinds of emotions – scared, excited, nervous. But whether you’re waiting for the right person or just looking for the next opportunity, you deserve a first time you won’t regret. Unlike me.

I decided “enough is enough” in my first year of University – it was time to lose my virginity, and fast. So one night during freshers week, I grabbed the guy I’d been with all night (his name escapes me) and headed home. Fast forward a couple of hours and he leaves my room, taking my virginity with him. I felt an instant sense of regret. I didn’t have that “great feeling” I’d been promised. Instead, I felt unhappy, used and in pain. I realised that maybe if I’d given my first time a little more thought, I may have avoided some of these feelings. Here are my pointers to make sure you’re ready for your first time.

Is it the right time for you?

You may feel like you’re the only one who hasn’t had sex. I know I did. My expectations from my peers pushed me into my first time. But it’s wise to take everyone else out of the equation and ask yourself – “am I actually ready?”

Is the person someone you trust?

I often say to my long term partner that I wish I had shared my first time with him, because we trust each other. According to Glamour, 90% of us regret our choice of partner the first time we have sex. A partner you trust is a key to a great first time. You may find the experience exciting or scary, and being able to share these feelings make a big difference.

There is no “perfect” first time

Take the pressure off a “perfect” first time. It matters that you’re ready, and with someone you trust. But it’s ok if your first time isn’t perfect. If you can take the pressure off the first time, you allow space for your physical connection to grow as your confidence, experience and connection grows too.

And of course, stay safe!

Libby Toogood


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