We have nothing in common – should I pursue it?

couple-on-bench

By Jamie Trezise

We’ve all had moments where we’ve met someone, thought there was a connection, and then it happens. They say it: “I don’t really like the Die Hard films”. Instantly, you start to re-evaluate your life choices. Having something in common versus opposites attract has been a debate as old as time. But would a relationship genuinely work if something so important to you was compromised by someone you could potentially spend the rest of your life with?

So what if they support Manchester United, and you’re City till you die? What if you love the rock band Queen, and they love Stormzy? Some would say that this stuff is more trivial, but I disagree. For some, their football team, favourite band, or a certain cult following is genuinely very important to them. But these kinds of things may not mean that you can’t be with someone. For example, when it comes to football, a very cute date could be when your team plays their team (as long as you both promise not to get to competitive). When it comes to music, concerts can be a very fun night out. My friend dragged me to a Tegan and Sarah concert, which certainly isn’t my favourite band, and I actually had a really good night out. Which is why festivals can be great, because there is always something for everyone. So although rivalries can seem like an issue, they can create a great sense of fun within a relationship.

But what about the things about us that are a little bit more personal and integral? Religion is a great example of this. Someone who is a Christian may find they have their beliefs and morals challenged by someone of a different religion, or someone who doesn’t have a religion. Someone’s religion is a big part of them, and to sacrifice either a relationship or their faith is a very tricky situation to be in. Many people of different religious beliefs have made their relationships work, but it comes with many challenges.

Another deciding factor many people have about relationships is political views. Politics can play either a big part or a small part in a person’s life, and there are many different political views. There are some issues that people cannot compromise on. For example, some people who are more left-wing may believe in more money for social care and the NHS, where someone who is more right-wing may believe in public sector cuts. Now clearly these two things are opposites, which could mean that people of opposite political persuasions may not be compatible, but again many have made relationships work even when they have totally different political views.

It’s very easy for me to say all these generic examples, but it is a lot easier for me to share a story. I was introduced to someone at a rugby match called Sarah, and we seemed to get on very well right from the off. The first issue we came across was that she was a Wales rugby fan, and I’m England through and through. This didn’t cause us any problems, it just allowed for more flirty banter. Next issue came when she said she was going to a party, and she told me she was going to get as drunk as humanly possible. Now don’t get me wrong, I like a drink as much as the next person, but there is a line between having fun and being stupid, as she didn’t know how she was getting home. I have always been a big fan of health and safety (yes, I am a laugh), so this was quite a big issue for me.

She broke things off with me a few days later when I tried to talk to her about it, but it was for the best. Relationships are about compatibility, and having things in common help. But the most important thing in a relationship is being true to who you are. If you are having to change so much about yourself to fit a specific mould, then perhaps it’s not the right relationship for you. Everyone is bound to change a bit when they get into a relationship, but if you are not true to who you are, the relationship will become forced, and eventually it will crumble. Being who you are will find you the right person, at the right time.

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