We have nothing in common – should I pursue it?


By Jamie Trezise

We’ve all had moments where we’ve met someone, thought there was a connection, and then it happens. They say it: “I don’t really like the Die Hard films”. Instantly, you start to re-evaluate your life choices.

Having something in common versus opposites attract has been a debate as old as time.

But would a relationship genuinely work if something so important to you was compromised by someone you could potentially spend the rest of your life with?

So what if they support Manchester United, and you’re City till you die? What if you love the rock band Queen, and they love Stormzy? Some would say that this stuff is more trivial, but I disagree. These things can actually be very important to people.

That being said, it doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone. You can just find ways to make it fun!

For example, when it comes to football, a very cute date could be a match when your team plays their team (as long as you both promise not to get too competitive). When it comes to music, concerts can be a very fun night out. My friend dragged me to a Tegan and Sarah concert, which certainly isn’t my favourite band, and I actually had a really good night out. Festivals can be great, because there is always something for everyone. So although rivalries can seem like an issue, they can create a great sense of fun within a relationship.

But what about the things about us that are a little bit more personal and integral?

Religion is a great example of this. Someone who is a Christian may find they have their values challenged by someone of a different religion, or someone of no faith. Someone’s beliefs are a big part of them, and to feel like you have to make a choice between your relationship or your faith is a very tricky situation to be in. Many people of different religious beliefs have made their relationships work, but it does comes with its challenges.

Another deciding factor many people have about relationships is political views. Politics can play either a big part or a small part in a person’s life, and there are many different political standpoints and there are some issues that people cannot compromise on.

For example, some people who are more left-wing may believe in spending more money on social care and the NHS, whereas someone who is more right-wing may believe in public sector cuts for economic reasons. These differences may be deal-breakers to some but again, many have made relationships work even when they have totally different political views.

I have experienced this feeling of “incompatibility” in my own life. I was introduced to Sarah at a rugby match and we seemed to get on very well right from the off.

We did come across an issue in that she was a Wales rugby fan, and I’m England through and through. However, far from cause any problems it actually just allowed for more flirty banter.

The next and more disconcerting issue came when she said she was going to a party, and she told me she was going to get as drunk as humanly possible. Now don’t get me wrong, I like a drink as much as the next person, but in my opinion there is a pretty clear line between having fun and being stupid, as she didn’t even know how she was getting home.

I have always been a big fan of health and safety (yes, I am a laugh), so this was quite a big issue for me.

She broke things off with me a few days later when I tried to talk to her about it, but in the end it was for the best.

It does help to have things in common in a relationship. And agreeing on the “big things” in life, like what you want from a relationship, thoughts about sex, marriage, maybe even future kids, is all important for increasing the chances of having a successful relationship.

If you are having to change so much about yourself to fit a specific mould, then perhaps it’s not the right relationship for you.

But actually it’s those little differences in each other, quirky things you find out that surprise and intrigue you, which make life interesting and may just show you a perspective you have never seen before.

Being different from each other isn’t necessarily a reason to break up. But make sure you are staying true to who you are and the right person should not only accept you as you are, but also encourage you to stay true to your values and beliefs.

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