What if relationships had to be GDPR compliant?

Claire – “Hey Barry, so I met this girl on the train and she is perrrrfect for you. I gave her
your number and…”

Barry – “Hold up, you did what? Without my permission? That is a gross violation of my
GDPR rights!”

Seriously, GDPR is a welcome data protection law (say “hello” to uncluttered inboxes) but just imagine if relationships had to be GDPR compliant. There are definitely some positives. It would mean that without your permission, there will be no more of the following:

1. No more random matchmaking. This will be very welcome for those of us with Claire-like friends as above.

2. No more text messages from unknown numbers. Bob down the road who got your number from your best friend’s cousin’s sister’s aunt’s friend can’t text his undying love for you unless he wants to pay big hefty fines. Winning!

3. No more anonymous texting. We can’t decide whether this is a good thing or not. Anonymous texts like “hey, wanna hang out after classes tomorrow? xxx your secret admirer” will forever be consigned to the days of High School Musical. And that’s kind of sad.

4. No more Facebook/Twitter/Instagram unsolicited love messages from someone in Antarctica. YES YES YES!

5. No more drunken messages from your ex on a night-out because now they need your permission to have your details on file (their phone) and to message you.

6. No more drunken messages to your ex on a night out, because now you also need their permission to have their details and message them. Hello dignity.

7. No more sharing about your partner (whether present or past) on Reddit or on your Facebook status. Unless of course you have the wit to keep it cryptic so they don’t know you’re talking about them.

8. No more unwanted photos of you on someone else’s phone. Yes, GDPR gives you the legal oomph you need to demand that all photos of you not looking your Meghan/Harry best are deleted pronto. (not to mention those sneaky nudes).

“If only!” we hear you cry to these points. Well, maybe one day…

Dee Solebo

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