Sex Education: I like her so much but the sex isn’t working

We’ve been watching Sex Education and we love it! But it has made us wonder – does teen sex therapist Otis really know what he’s talking about? We’ve taken scenarios out of Sex Education and asked a real expert what she has to say about them. Will clinical psychologist Kerry Ashton-Shaw agree with Otis’ advice? Let’s find out!

Scenario #4: I like her so much but the sex isn’t working

Meet Ruthie and Tanya. They’re in a lesbian relationship and are best friends, but as much as they love hanging out, the sex just “isn’t working.” “It’s like when we’re having sex we can’t get in sync or find a rhythm,” Tanya says. “It’s like I’ve never seen a vagina before but I have seen one, because I’ve got one, and I’ve looked at it a lot. But now I get panicked when I think of touching it because I know it will be really, really, bad. Like when you’re trying to put together a bookshelf from Ikea and you realise you’ve missed a step and you’re missing a screw and the whole thing is a massive waste of time.” That’s how Tanya feels, but what is going on with Ruthie? Otis suspects the “bad sex” is a sign of a deeper issue in their relationship.

We soon find out that Ruthie likes someone else. Her and Tanya (her current girlfriend) have been best friends for years. They came out around the same time and supported each other through the process. There is genuine love there – they’re best friends. To get into a relationship seemed to be the logical next step, but Ruthie just isn’t attracted to Tanya in that way. And that’s the real issue around the bad sex. She explains to Otis, “when we (her and Tanya) have sex, it just feels wrong. But when I’m doing it with Jessa everything just works.”

Otis’ Advice:

Tell Tanya the truth. You can’t choose who you’re attracted to. You can’t engineer a relationship. You have to do what’s right.

What our expert has to say:

It’s a tricky one for this couple. Relationships are complicated and sex is just a part of it. Often other circumstances can lead to partners not “clicking”  sexually. Otis was right to look at the whole relationship and find the truth of what was going on for Ruthie.

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