Everyone has baggage.
Whether it’s a deep rooted childhood issue, or the ex that was there before you, all relationships are influenced by our history – the good and the bad. This can cause anxiety when a relationship gets serious.
When my partner and I got together, we had holiday-sized suitcases lugging behind us. But with communication and plenty of patience, we were able to take a good look inside and deal with the contents together. Sharing the burden helped us to understand each other so much better.
Imagine your baggage is like a messy and heavy suitcase. You’ve shoved everything in there from skeleton-exes and that anime you pretend not to like, to the self doubt you try your best to overcome.
Right now, it’s all safely hidden away in a dark cupboard with the zip firmly shut and the padlock on. But your partner is moving in with their own case, and the time has come to dust the cases down and look at them together.
Here’s a step by step guide to clearing them out:
Step 1: Take a breath.
Trust me, there’s not as much stuff in there as you think. When those cases open, I can guarantee your partner will pick something up and say “I have one of those!”
Step 2: Match them up.
When that happens, you can get rid of one! One box of ‘’jealous exes” is more than enough. By sharing the baggage you have in common, you can half the load, and find meaningful connections at the same time.
Step 3: Keep a personal box.
Some things are just personal. Your partner will understand that some things are too big to deal with, and you have to give them the same space. Keep a box of things you still need time to admit to yourself. Just be honest with each other that they’re there.
Step 4: Take your time and don’t sacrifice your space.
Even though you’re sharing life now, you still need your space. Make sure to tell your partner how you need down time and listen to their needs too. Eventually you’ll learn to notice the signs, but you could start with a phrase or word that you know means ‘give me a minute, please’.
Step 5: Replay step 1 to 4 every once in a while so it doesn’t get too full again!